STAHP
by JR-Boone
Summary: THIS IS A TRAINWRECK. I WROTE AN ACTUAL TRAINWRECK. IT STARTED OUT AS MY FABERRY CROSSOVER AND TURNED INTO A TRAINWRECK. THERE IS XENA, GLEE, POPULAR, AND BUFFY IN THIS TRAVESTY. SO YAH…ENJOY I THINK…BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DID…I THINK…CURLS INTO A SMALL BALL TO RECONSIDER HIS LIFE CHOICES.


Fic: STAHP!  
Author: JR Boone (Tumblr: JRAbraxas)  
Rating: M because this is seriously just fucked up and I don't know what happened and I need to stop smoking weed. .  
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or anything having to do with it. Nor do I own any of the other ships that sailed into this story like bats out of hell.  
**A/N: THIS IS A TRAINWRECK. I WROTE AN ACTUAL TRAINWRECK. IT STARTED OUT AS MY FABERRY CROSSOVER AND TURNED INTO A TRAINWRECK. THERE IS XENA, GLEE, POPULAR, AND BUFFY IN THIS TRAVESTY. SO YAH…ENJOY I THINK…BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL DID…I THINK…CURLS INTO A SMALL BALL TO RECONSIDER HIS LIFE CHOICES.  
**

* * *

In ancient Greece it was said that every human being's life was mapped out for them by those they called the Moirai, often called the Fates. The Fates controlled the metaphorical thread of every mortal from life to death. Now the Fates were independent in their own and answered to man, god, or beast, or so it was told, until one God overpowered them with a map of his own.

In the city Amphipolis, in ancient Greece there was a field that survived out of time and space. Here two lovers found peace in a world ruled by warlords, gods, and kings.

And a thousand years away in the city of Lima, Ohio there was another such field that survived out of time and spice. Here two lovers found peace in a world ruled by bigotry, fear, and anger.

On the eve of the night when the God stole away into the fates domain he took two threads, unaware that another two threads broke away into his fist.

That night a brunette walked onto the field by the light of the moon interrupted only by a cloudy night, her heart beating hard in her chest as she searched for her lover.

On the other side a blonde walked onto to the field guided by the same moonlight, her ears open for any sound that she had been followed.

Quietly the two crept closer and closer to each other, their bodies thrumming with nervous anticipation.

When they were less than ten feet away the clouds shifted to reveal each other.

"Whoa! Who the fuck are you?" Quinn screamed jumping back in surprise at the complete stranger.

"Who am I? Who are you!?" Xena shouted grabbing the hilt of her sword and turning towards me swiftly…

"Wait…no stop," I said, my eyes wide in shock. "That's not how the story goes. Get back in place."

"J.R. what the hell is this?" Quinn growled turning to look at me with her best HBIC face.

"Seriously guys, you're screwing up the damn story. Just get back in your places," I stammered out shaking my head as Xena and Quinn advanced on me with equal looks of anger.

"What in Tartarus is going on? What is this?" Xena asked angrily, her hands curling into fists.

"Um…Fanfiction…its Faberry week and today is crossover day," I stuttered holding my hands up in defense.

"This is just dumb," Quinn sighed shaking her head.

"Hey!" I yelped indignantly. "I spent like all day thinking up this story…why am I fighting with you? Get back in your damn places!"

"No she's right. This is dumb. Besides Gabrielle destroyed the Fates loom in Season Six." Xena said shaking her head in disgust.

"I'm well aware of that your Highness," I grumbled shaking my head and looking up at the moon in exasperation. "I'm just choosing to ignore that story line for this. It's a writer's thing."

"It's a dumb thing if you ask me," Quinn said sneeringly as she looked down at her nails.

"It's a good thing I didn't ask you then," I sighed. "Now will you two please get back to your places?!"

"Wait a minute," Xena said frowning and looking around the empty field. "Where is Gabrielle?"

Instantly Quinn's head snapped up and she looked around as well. "And where is Rachel."

"Okay well you see if you two went back to your places eventually you would find out," I said rubbing my face and sighing.

"Where is Gabriele?!" Xena roared puling out her sword and pointing it at my face threateningly. Quinn quickly dropped to the ground and began pushing aside the tall grass. "What are you doing?" The warrior princess asked looking from me down the Cheerio.

"I'm looking for a rock," Quinn grumbled. "My universe doesn't have handy swords."

"Oh Zeus," Xena grumbled reaching beneath her breast plate and pulling out a dagger before nudging the blonde's shoulder. "Here."

"Oh thanks," Quinn said quickly jumping to her feet and brushing away the dirt from her clothes. "Oh this is badass," the blonde exclaimed taking a hold of the dagger and holding it up against her chest. "Where did you buy this? Is it on Amazon?"

"No actually Gabrielle bought it in a market way back in like Season One," Xena said chuckling and shaking her head. "I confiscated it."

"Dude J.R. look at this," Quinn said holding the dagger up to me to look at. "This is really cool. Like can you imagine Sylvester equipping all of the Cheerios with booby daggers?"

"Oh my god I'm totally gonna write that," I exclaimed giddily before the reality of my situation came to a screeching halt. "Oh my god! Seriously! Xena put away your damn sword and Quinn give Xena back the damn booby dagger and get back to your places! You're fucking up my story dammit!"

"Not till you tell me where Gabrielle is!" Xena growled angrily.

"And Rachel! Where the hell is Rachel!?" Quinn shouted pointing the dagger at me.

Suddenly the sound of footsteps in the thick underbrush of the tree line rang out around us. "Hey it's cool we found them," Buffy said stepping out from the trees with Faith by her side and Gabrielle and Rachel behind them.

"Oh my fucking god! Seriously! Fuffy! What the fuck are you two even doing here?" I bellowed angrily as the four women stomped over to us.

"We got a bone to pick with you J.R." Faith sneered angrily.

"Where were you two?" Xena asked ignoring Faith and Buffy completely.

"That asshole had us locked up in one of Aries's pits," Gabrielle growled angrily as she took her place by Xena.

"You did what!" Quinn screeched turning to look at me with murder in her eyes.

"Jorn Rose Boone how dare you lock me up in a cell with that despicable excuse for a god," Rachel ranted jabbing my chest with each word.

"Oh my god it was a fucking literary device!" I yelled throwing my hands up in the air. "This is fucking ridiculous!"

"No I'll tell you what is ridiculous," Faith growled getting up into my face. "How bout the fact that you have started no less than five Fuffy fics and never even got past the second chapter! You haven't even posted what you have written but meanwhile you Glee shit goes up the second you hit save."

"I haven't found a story I like," I cried petulantly as I stomped my foot. "And is this really the time! I'm kind of in the middle of something here! Namely a Faberry/Xena crossover dammit!"

"A horrible Faberry/Xena crossover," Buffy grumbled as she inspected Xena's sword. "This is really nice by the way."

"Oh thanks," Xena said proudly. "Check this out," she said pulling out her Chakram.

"Oh my god I want a Frisbee of death!" Buffy squealed, her eyes bright with wonder.

"Hey! Can we focus dammit!?" I shouted over what had basically broken into several small conversations. "Everyone not supposed to be in this fic just poof your damn selves away."

"Hello J.R…" came an almost lethal voice from directly behind me and I froze.

"Um…hey Santana…" I stammered nervously as the Latina stalked around me.

"Santana what the hell are you doing here?" Quinn growled angrily as she tightened her arms around Rachel. "This is a Faberry fic."

"Can it Preggers," Santana snapped, her eyes not leaving mine. "Me and Shakespeare In Love here have got some business to attend to."

"Okay…Santana be reasonable," I said holding up my hands defensively and backing away slowly.

"What is this?" Santana growled, her eyes narrowing.

"Well you see…it's Faberry week…so it's a…well I wanted to contribute too," I stammered out nervously.

"Alright so what I'm hearing you say is that even though you are a Pezberry writer and you and I have a contract-"

"I never signed a contract!" I yelped in fear.

"He can write whatever he wants! And this week he is writing Faberry so take a hike Satan!" Quinn yelled stomping up to the Cheerio.

"Didn't I tell you to can it?!" Santana shouted rounding on the blonde. "J.R. is a Pezberry writer dammit and I wants my hobbit back and I wants it now!"

"It's only for a week Santana," I cried out in vain.

Quinn's eyes narrowed and a smirk raised her lips. "Only for a week huh? Cause I seem to remember a few Faberry fics you have written."

"You did what!" Santana roared turning back to me so fast I nearly fell down in fear.

"Santana be reasonable," I pleaded shielding myself with my arms.

"I'll show your reasonable!" The Cheerio yelled pulling a razor blade out of her hair.

Suddenly Rachel's voice filled the field and everyone froze. "How come I never get a penis?"

"W-what?" I asked, my face scrunching up in confusion.

"How come I never get a penis?" The petite singer asked as she angrily stomped over to me. "Every time you write a G!P story you always give either Santana or Quinn the penis. Do you think I'm not woman enough to handle one?"

"I'm sorry what is going on?" I asked in utter confusion.

"I'm asking a simple question!" Rachel yelled stomping her foot petulantly. "I am Rachel Barbara Berry and if I can handle you turning me into a drug addicted hooker I think I can handle a penis!"

"I…hey I wrote one with you have a peen just a few weeks ago!" I shouted defensively.

"Yah and I was a crying ball of shame! Maybe for once I want to be the one to bend Santana over and make her scream my name!" The diva yelled furiously.

"Aw really baby?" Santana asked turning to the brunette and smiling bashfully.

"Well I want to take care of you to," Rachel replied blushing a bright red.

"Bad Rachel!" Quinn yelped forcing herself between the two brunettes. "This is a Faberry story!"

"Yes! Yes it is! So can everyone who isn't Quinn and Xena get the hell off of this field so I can write it!" I literally begged willing myself to not start crying out of sheer frustration.

"No! We still haven't gotten to us," Buffy yelled stomping her foot. "You can't just start writing a story and then stop. The last one you left me hanging off of a cliff! A cliff dammit!"

"Not cooL Dude," Faith muttered wrapping her arms around the blonde.

"You know while we're on the subject how come you haven't written our story?" Gabrielle asked frowning. "I mean you thought up this really epic one that fixes that travesty of an ending and you never wrote it."

"Yah! You were supposed to bring me back from the dead," Xena grumbled sheathing her sword and pulling Gabrielle closer to her.

"Look I'm really sorry okay. I mean your show ended a long time ago and I just haven't been able to really sit down and write it like I want to," I explained delicately.

"Well it seems like you've just forgotten everything that isn't that horrible Glee show," Faith muttered shaking her head and then sticking out her tongue when Quinn, Rachel, and Santana turned to glare at her.

Suddenly another voice interrupted the meeting and this time I did fall down in complete and total defeat. "That's what J.R. does. He just forgets all about his fandoms when a new shiny one comes along," Brooke McQueen explained as she walked hand and hand onto the field with Sam McPherson.

"Oh my god this can not be happening," I sighed letting my face fall in my hands as I seriously started to consider either therapy or an extended leave from writing.

"Oh my god you're like clones of Q and my Hobbit," Santana said, her jaw nearly on the ground.

"My hobbit," Quinn pouted crossing her arms.

"Hello, my name is Rachel Berry, who might you be?" The diva asked extending a hand to shake to the two newcomers.

"We're J.R.'s original OTP," Sam explained crooking an eyebrow. "We were the first thing he ever shipped."

"Seriously the resemblance is uncanny," Santana said in a rather mystified voice. "Do I have a clone too?"

"Kind of," Brooke said pursing her lips and nodding. "I mean you don't look like Nicole by Ryan Murphy pretty much just rewrote our show and added singing and you're definitely Nicole incarnate."

"Will you all please just go away?" I mumbled as I started to slowly rock back and forth.

"Right back on track. Seriously J.R. what the fucking fuck. We used to be all you could talk about and now its Faberry this and Faberry that," Sam said throwing her hands up in disgust.

"You guys know I still ship the hell out of you, but no one even knows what Popular is except for like a few people," I sighed leaning back and staring up at the sky in exhaustion.

"That is no excuse to forget your OTP ass," Brooke growled crossing her arms. "You even had the perfect cliffhanger to jump fanfiction off of dammit! I got hit by a fucking car and then boom screen goes to black."

"Oh my god me too," Quinn exclaimed turning to look at the blonde.

"I don't know why you guys are bitching. You're all on the way out," came another voice that pulled a deep groan out from deep inside of my chest.

"Oh my god it's the evil little bitch," Santana yelled as Marley and Kitty walked onto the field.

"Oh my god it's the secretly not so secretly snarky Cheerio who is whipped by Rachel," Kitty laughed shaking her head.

"Kitty maybe we shouldn't do this," Marley said nervously clinging to the blonde's side.

"Listen to Marley Kitty. Please just go home and take everyone else with you," I begged wringing my hands together nervously.

"What do you mean we're on the way out?" Quinn asked crossing her arms and glaring at the blonde.

"How can I put this in words you will understand. Faberry Beta," Kitty said pointing at Brooke and Sam. "Faberry," she said pointing at Quinn and Rachel. "And Faberry 2.0," the girl gleamed pulling Marley close to her side and smiling smugly.

"What!" Quinn screamed turning to look at me murderously.

"OH my god I haven't even thought up a fanfiction for it! I was just toying with the idea!  
I defended weakly.

"As soon as Season Four is over he's going to write a Karley fic," Kitty teased shaking her head.

"I said I might!" I snapped angrily as I got back up to my feet.

"Wanky," Santana laughed grabbing Rachel's hand.

"I swear to god Santana if you don't drop her hand I am going to cut you with your own razor blades," Quinn growled out grabbing a hold of Rachel's other hand.

"Stop fucking ignoring us!" Faith roared stomping forwards with Buffy in tow.

"How could you just ignore the fact that I destroyed the Fate's loom! I worked really hard on that!" Gabrielle shouted as she and Xena stomped forwards as well.

"Okay can we all just calm down?" I begged as the ships all began screaming at each other. "Please? Ladies! Hello?"

"We'll deal with you later!" Brooke yelled as she and Kitty began arguing about who was clearly second to Faberry.

"Oh my god I am so done with this. Like over 9000 percent done with this," I grumbled as I sat down and began to spell check the document.

"And another thing! Me and Faith killed Vampires for a living! All you two did was wander around the country side like a couple of old hippy lesbians!" Buffy yelled in Xena's face.

"Faberry!" Quinn screamed as I began writing my a/n's.

"Pezberry!" Santana yelled back as I inserted a few page breaks.

"Hey…hey what are you doing?" Rachel shouted over the commotion. "J.R. what do you think you are doing?"

"Pay no attention to me," I grumbled as I started to reread the train wreck of a story.

"Everybody shut up!" Rachel screamed, her loud voice cutting through the fighting and silencing the entire group. "J.R. is trying to end the story."

"This has been fun ladies, but I am really tired and I'm actually starting to question my sanity," I grumbled shaking my head.

"Mother fucker if you touch that save button I am going to burst out of your head while you are sleeping and smother you with a pillow," Santana shouted angrily as she started to run towards me.

"And everybody lived happily ever after in their own universes because clearly I can't write crossovers affectively!" I rushed out quickly before hitting the save button a second away from Santana digging her nails into my neck.

**The End. **


End file.
